A technology-challenged, 60-something father was trying out all the features of the new cell phone his daughter had helped him select. After showing him the basics, she went home leaving her proud father reading the manual and trying out more features. He decided to surprise her the next day by sending her a text message. However, he wasn’t quite quick enough to notice that the smart phone had auto corrected his message to read as follows:
Dad: Your mom and I are going to Divorce next month. J
Daughter: What!!! WHY???????? Call me ASAP!!!
Dad: No, no, no. I typed in Disney and the auto-correct changed it to Divorce.
This funny story is also sad because it’s almost a picture of the flippant way in which divorce is handled by some people. A neighbor visiting in our home began telling me of her upcoming divorce. I was truly upset and somewhat blindsided thinking she had come to me for advice. “Oh, no,” she smiled and assured me, “we’re both fine with it.”
Divorce has become so commonplace that it’s the subject of jokes and idle chatter. But that’s not a true picture of how it affects real people, and it’s certainly not God’s perspective. The Bible says in Malachi 2:16 that God hates divorce. As a casual acquaintance, I was more upset than my neighbor was about the dissolution of her ten-year marriage despite the fact that her little girl was listening. According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, about 22 million children in this country live in single-parent homes, children who are much more likely to fall victim to the many social ills that divorce breeds.
The website marriage101.org says the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%; the divorce rate for second marriage is 60%; and the divorce rate for third marriage is 73%. The incidence rate for Christians is equally as high as non-Christians. The same website lists the top causes of divorce as: Money, Alcohol, Sexual issues, Immaturity, Jealousy, In-law problems, and Irresponsibility.
I just read a novel called The Pirate Queen by Patricia Hickman published by Waterbrook Press. It’s the story of a woman who had biblical grounds for divorce, and who was just about ready to leave her husband of thirty years when God intervened. She learned that DISappointments sometimes turn out to be HISappointments.
A statement she made stuck with me long after I finished the book. She said, “Love is not a feeling. It’s the actions you take whether you feel like it or not.” Some people seem to think that when they no longer feel loving, that releases them from their marital vows. We can’t trust our feelings because they change from day to day. We must act in love and commit to stay together even when we feel like giving up.
Too many people feel their marriage is the exception, and it’s okay for them to divorce because God understands. Don’t cop out on your mate or on God. Begin your marriage with the end in mind. Look 20 or 30 years down the road and imagine what kind of family you want to have. I assure you, it won’t be a fragmented family that you picture. If you ever attend a wedding where the parents of the bride or groom are divorced, you will readily see and feel the wounds the whole family suffers. The result of staying together is that we leave a legacy of trust, security, commitment, and honor for our children to model their marriages after. Choose to stick with it, and you will be rewarded with greater tenacity, a feeling of accomplishment, a shared history, and the peace that comes with obedience. Your children will rise up and called you blessed, and your family will avoid many of the heartaches that follow divorce.
Tell me what you think by leaving a comment in the space below.
I agee with you totally on this article. Unfortunately, I divorced when my ex-wife cheated on me, and I caught her. After my seeking counsel, her pastor asked me to read the book of Hosea, and pray, even though I wanted to divorce her. I treated her like gold, cooked for her on occasion, had candlelight dinners, and little things, just enough to be mysterious, and not be too much of it, so she wouldn't get to where she knew it was coming. People on her job even caught her cheating. We tried counselliing, but she didn't want to. I went to counselling anyway, without her. I wish it would've worked out for me, like in that book you read. I decided after reading Hosea to give her one more chance. Instead of wanting another chance, she told me she hated me and married me to get out of the house. We divorced, and a few months later I found out some other things she was doing with patients at the hospital where she worked. I thought she was a Christian going into the marriage, and maybe she was, but she changed a week after we married and wouldn't do our devotions together, and everything. Who knows? God has helped me through it, and in time, I have dated many other girls who have been so great to me. I've been divorced for 18 years, and never remarried, but I feel thankful that God let me catch her cheating early, instead of much later in life. Not sure why all that happened. I had to take a detour on my plans for my life after that, but it seems God is still working with me despite, and still using me, even though I don't deserve it. Every bit of that article is so true though. It's been so long ago, and I live several states away from her, it's almost like it was a small nightmare I had, and it never happened, it's been so long. Still, even though she cheated on me, I do have regrets about the divorce that I can't seem to stop thinking about after all this time.
ReplyDeleteJim, thanks for posting a comment.
ReplyDeleteI know many people who find themselves in a marriage, like you were, where only one person wants to be married and remains faithful. This message is not about you. It’s about those who do not care what God says and take lightly their vows to love, honor, and cherish until death.
You have no reason to be ashamed because you did everything you could to stay together. That’s why God allowed divorce because He knows there are innocent victims who deserve a fresh start to get on with their lives.
I don’t know why God laid this message on my heart, but it has been there for weeks, and I felt He wanted me to write about it. There must be someone out there who needs to read it. Thanks for posting and allowing me to clarify my message to you and others who are in that situation. God bless you.
Judy
Hi, Mrs. Judy,
ReplyDeleteYeah, I knew the message wasn't about me, but I felt I needed to post it anyway, so people can see and read what divorce does. Now, I use my divorce to help others. I was glad you wrote about it. I knew you weren't meaning it about me. Funny thing is my ex-wife took it lightly, and she was the one that took it like a trip to D-i-S-N-E-Y, instead of what it really is. So, I felt I should add the comment, in that respect. Thanks for letting me know I should not feel ashamed. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, but every now and then Satan will try to bring it back up. Still almost seems like a dream that I was even married. I was married for a year-and-a-half when we divorced, and caught her cheating 9 months into the marriage. I know God will use your post, Mrs. Judy, and who knows, maybe even some of my replies will help, too. You're welcome about posting. My ex-wife did take marriage, divorce and everything so lightly, and maybe others that read this, that are going into a new marriage, or thinking about divorce won't take it lightly, and think real hard about their commitment to each other and to God. :-)