D – I – V – O – R – C – E

A technology-challenged, 60-something father was trying out all the features of the new cell phone his daughter had helped him select. After showing him the basics, she went home leaving her proud father reading the manual and trying out more features. He decided to surprise her the next day by sending her a text message. However, he wasn’t quite quick enough to notice that the smart phone had auto corrected his message to read as follows:

Dad:    Your mom and I are going to Divorce next month. J

Daughter:  What!!! WHY????????  Call me ASAP!!!

Dad:    No, no, no.  I typed in Disney and the auto-correct changed it to Divorce.

This funny story is also sad because it’s almost a picture of the flippant way in which divorce is handled by some people. A neighbor visiting in our home began telling me of her upcoming divorce. I was truly upset and somewhat blindsided thinking she had come to me for advice. “Oh, no,” she smiled and assured me, “we’re both fine with it.”

Divorce has become so commonplace that it’s the subject of jokes and idle chatter. But that’s not a true picture of how it affects real people, and it’s certainly not God’s perspective. The Bible says in Malachi 2:16 that God hates divorce. As a casual acquaintance, I was more upset than my neighbor was about the dissolution of her ten-year marriage despite the fact that her little girl was listening. According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, about 22 million children in this country live in single-parent homes, children who are much more likely to fall victim to the many social ills that divorce breeds.

The website marriage101.org says the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%; the divorce rate for second marriage is 60%; and the divorce rate for third marriage is 73%. The incidence rate for Christians is equally as high as non-Christians. The same website lists the top causes of divorce as: Money, Alcohol, Sexual issues, Immaturity, Jealousy, In-law problems, and Irresponsibility.

I just read a novel called The Pirate Queen by Patricia Hickman published by Waterbrook Press. It’s the story of a woman who had biblical grounds for divorce, and who was just about ready to leave her husband of thirty years when God intervened. She learned that DISappointments sometimes turn out to be HISappointments.

A statement she made stuck with me long after I finished the book. She said, “Love is not a feeling. It’s the actions you take whether you feel like it or not.” Some people seem to think that when they no longer feel loving, that releases them from their marital vows. We can’t trust our feelings because they change from day to day. We must act in love and commit to stay together even when we feel like giving up.

Too many people feel their marriage is the exception, and it’s okay for them to divorce because God understands. Don’t cop out on your mate or on God. Begin your marriage with the end in mind. Look 20 or 30 years down the road and imagine what kind of family you want to have. I assure you, it won’t be a fragmented family that you picture. If you ever attend a wedding where the parents of the bride or groom are divorced, you will readily see and feel the wounds the whole family suffers.

The result of staying together is that we leave a legacy of trust, security, commitment, and honor for our children to model their marriages after. Choose to stick with it, and you will be rewarded with greater tenacity, a feeling of accomplishment, a shared history, and the peace that comes with obedience. Your children will rise up and called you blessed, and your family will avoid many of the heartaches that follow divorce.

Tell me what you think by leaving a comment in the space below.

Love Is Something You Do

People say it makes the world go ‘round. It’s the subject of more songs and poems than any other topic. It is so important that a holiday has been dedicated to it. Go into any store this weekend, and you can’t miss the reminders. In our local Wal-Mart this week, I saw seven aisles dedicated to Valentine’s Day merchandise.

Since all of us tend to think about the subject of Love during the second week of February, I’m jumping on the bandwagon. But I’m not going to talk about the kind of love most people do—that magical feeling that makes us lose our appetite, and some might say, lose our minds!

We hear many things about love, but most of us understand so little about true, sacrificial love. Jim and I were part of an ensemble that presented a Valentine’s Day musical program several years ago. One of our songs said, “Love is something that’s real, love is something that’s true. Love is something you feel, but most of all, love is something you do.”

We tend to think of love as something ethereal …a feeling that’s hard to describe or put your finger on. But the Bible says that love expresses itself in very down-to-earth ways.  As 1 Corinthians 13 tells us, Love is patient, kind, not envious, boastful, or rude. It is not selfish or easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love protects, trusts, hopes, endures, and never fails. Does this describe your love for your mate, children, and others? It helps me see that my love often comes up short.

If you want to see a true love story, look to the kind of people who have spent their lives sacrificially giving to their families and to one another despite great hardship and despite the allure of other pleasures. Look to those who put their spouse’s and children’s needs ahead of their own. The kind of love that makes a Dad like mine go out day after day in the freezing cold or stifling heat to work long, hard hours providing for his family. The kind of love that makes a Mother like mine give up the hope of a life she might enjoy and dedicate her entire life to her husband, children, and family. The kind of love that keeps a man and woman together for 58 years, until they are parted by death, long after the magic of new love has faded away. That’s the definition of true love.

But if you want to see a perfect love story, look to Jesus, the Source of all love, and the One whose purpose in life was to give us eternal life. He left the splendor of Heaven knowing His destiny was death on a cross. His sacrificial love was an example of something we can never achieve, but only hope to emulate. When He was betrayed in Gethsemane, He reaffirmed that love, by not using His unlimited power to call legions of angels who could rescue Him immediately. It was not the nails, but that perfect love that held Him to the cross where he purchased our salvation at unspeakable cost.

Love is not cheap. In fact, it is the most costly thing we can give. As you give gifts to those you love this weekend, remember that your gift is only a symbol of what your actions show each day. Otherwise the gift is meaningless.

True love, sacrificial love, really is something we do. That’s what I think…what do you think? Share your thoughts about love with me and others by posting a comment below.